SSBB Pimps
by Digilady99
Summary: Snake and Ike show Marth how to be a pimp with some hilarious assistance from Peach, Sonic, Samus, and Pit the Gay Tool. NOTHING TO DO WITH YAOI! Marth and Ike are just the main characters in this fanfic!


SSBB Pimps

Ike and Marth are seen together outside the mansion.

"Help me out, Ike. It just doesn't make sense. Look, I tried everything. I got the cool blue hair, I got the knightly outfit… a sword. What am I missing?" Marth asked his friend.

"Well… you don't have it all wrong, Marth, you see… women like a real man and… you've got no balls." Ike said.

Marth sweatdrops.

"What I mean is, you need a little more… pimp." Ike finished.

"Pimp?! What's pimp?!" Marth asked having no clue what pimp was.

Then Snake appears overhearing everything.

"What do you mean what's pimp?!" Snake cried.

He slaps Marth across the face!

"OW! THAT HURT, YOU KNOW!" Marth cried rubbing his cheek from where he was hit.

"Ah, good, Snake! Perhaps you can tell Marth was pimp is." Ike said happily.

"Of course, Ike." Snake then explained, "First thing you gotta know about pimp is you gotta know how to treat the ladies. You gotta know how to show them that you're in charge."

Snake then snapped his fingers and yelled, "Peach! Come over here!"

Peach came over as Snake ordered and he told her to go bring Pit. She does so and leaves. Pit was nervous with his wings twitching a bit.

Snake then had a disgraced look on his face and yelled at Pit, "Oh, Pit! Look at this! The way you dress! This is horrible! The toga is SO not the style for someone like you! And what's that on your eyes? Is that mascara?! You make Sora from Kingdom Hearts look like a gay tool!"

Pit got so embarrassed that he cried and ran off yelling to Snake, Ike, and Marth, "I HATE THIS GAME! I WISH I WAS NEVER CREATED!"

Snake then turned back to Ike and Marth. "Anyway… the second important thing about pimp is you gotta know how to dress. I didn't expect you to look this good, Marth. But Ike's got the right idea right here. You got have a ripped cape to make you like a real pimp. It makes you more sexy."

Ike turns and does some sexy poises with his cape. Marth just anime veins.

"What's with this outfit, Marth?! You look you're trying to say, 'Hello, world! Look how dumb I look today!'" Snake yelled.

Marth turned away holding his shoulder with his arm.

Snake then went on, "Next thing is the walk. You gotta know how to walk pimp. You gotta have a strut. Sonic! Show them what I mean!"

Sonic came over strutting in and said, "'Sup, boys?"

"See? That's how you walk. Marth, you try it." Snake said to Marth.

"O-Okay." Marth said nervously.

He tried but looked like he was skipping through a field of daisies.

Ike shook his head in one hand and Snake and Sonic also shook their heads.

Marth stared at them. "What? I guess, I did it wrong, huh?"

"Marth… get over here." Snake said.

Marth obeyed and stood next to Snake with Ike and Sonic standing next to them.

Snake explained, "There is one more thing that can take up from what you did wrong. And that's if you know how to treat women. You gotta have a strong hand. You gotta BE the pimp. Peach! Come back over here!"

Peach came back nervous again.

"You gotta to make sure that you know how to smack a woman." Snake said then smacked Peach causing her to fall down!

"WHY YOU… I'm okay." Peach said.

"Ike! You try." Snake said letting Ike go.

Ike slaps Peach across the face making her fall again.

"YOU LITTLE… I'm okay." Peach said keeping her cool.

Snake then said, "Alright, Marth. Go ahead."

Marth walked slowly to Peach, lifted a hand in the air and… he gave Peach a gentle slap across the face. It didn't even make her fall.

"WHAT WAS THAT CRAP?!" Peach cried and she kicked right into Marth's balls.

He falls down clutching them as Peach stomped away disgusted. Snake, Ike, and Sonic laughed away as Marth screamed in pain from Peach's hard kick.

Snake then bent over to Marth. "That hurt, didn't it?"

Marth just yelled in pain again.

Snake then said, "Well… you don't need to be a man. Now, I understand. I know what the problem is with Marth. He can't be a pimp. He is a hoe. We need someone who could…"

Then a deep robot-like woman's voice was heard, "Perhaps I can be of any assistance?"

In her Power Suit, it was the one and only Samus Aran walking over to them and she pulled Marth over to her.

"I'll show you how to make money for your momma, pretty boy!" She then started spanking Marth with her arm cannon.

"Stay away, you crazy woman!" Marth cried.

"Get over here, princey! I'll straighten you out!" Samus cried chasing him.

Snake, Ike, and Sonic laughed at the sight.

Ike then asked them, "Shall we strut?"

Snake nodded, "Yes, we'll strut."

The three friends strutted away together.

THE END!

Please review and thank you for reading!!!


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